Oh, no: T.O.

By Anthony Bialy  |   Sunday, March 08, 2009  |  Comments( 97 )

Buffalo Bills
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Take an aspirin now. Swallow an ibuprofen and acetaminophen, too. Use two double shots of scotch to wash it down, and hit yourself in the head with a medium-weight hammer while you’re at it. Buffalo Bills fans should be preemptively numbing their minds: Professional headache generator Terrell Owens has chosen to inflict his remarkable personality upon their team this season, and 2009 can’t be over fast enough.

Forget that he’s 35; Owens’ mildly advanced age isn’t the issue. His troubles don’t quite end with his occasional tendency to drop passes, either. Laying out the case against the receiver is like pointing out the economy’s not quite currently solid: Everyone’s already aware. That’s actually slightly inaccurate, as Buffalo’s personnel department apparently hasn’t heard that this player’s distinctive behavior causes him to be despised by every single fellow footballer who has ever had the dreary misfortune to be on the same team.

It’s particularly surprising in this particular case, as this pairing makes as little sense as having the Jonas Brothers open for The Who. The only bigger question than “What was he thinking?” is “What were the Bills thinking?” A franchise renowned for tolerating flashy superficiality in the Dallas Cowboys got sick of him; in that regard, there’s zero chance he’ll last in Buffalo. He was too much for a team owned by Jerry Jones, and conditions for him are going to be really swell in the anti-Dallas.

This team learned exactly nothing from Marv Levy’s tenure as general manager. In lieu of building carefully with players dedicated to the helmet logo and not the name over the back number, current management just planted a virus in the locker room. Constructing a solid roster brick-by-brick takes time and planning, but there’s more to it than that; all the careful work can be smashed in a second with a wrecking ball of a human being.

The Bills now have a player whom Bills fans are ashamed to cheer for, which is particularly frustrating when there were so many other baggage-free veterans available. They could have nabbed a gentleman like Joey Galloway, Marvin Harrison or Torry Holt to play alongside Lee Evans, himself one of the most pleasantly understated wideouts in the game. Now, instead expect obnoxiously stupid end zone celebrations interspersed with shrieking aimed at every single team employee in either private or public depending on the situation. His teammates may as well take a number.

This team got it half-right, but the half it missed is the big deal. Specifically, the Bills needed an impact receiver, except they forgot or didn’t know they required one who would make a positive impact. Adjectives make all the difference, as in using “troublemaking” to modify “Owens.” It was going to be exasperating to hear about Owens’ antics no matter what team he joined, and the only way the irritation could be exacerbated is if it’s your team he joined. Owens has always been an embarrassment to football in general. Now, he’s Buffalo’s embarrassment in particular.
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No.1
moejoe01		08:14 AM
03/09/2009
Bialy, as you say, "Constructing a solid roster brick-by-brick takes time and planning" But it sure as hell shouldn't take 9 ...
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No.2
Goose		08:21 AM
03/09/2009
It is still a shock that T.O. is a Bill, it is a confusing signing as ever there has been one in Bills history. It's like having ...
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No.3
JDUBS		08:32 AM
03/09/2009
I think this is a great signing, here's why. 1. It's a 1 year contract. TO will likely be playing for 1 last contract after ...
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