A Thank You Letter From Dick Jauron to Mark Sanchez

By Grant W.  |   Tuesday, October 20, 2009  |  Comments( 58 )

Buffalo Bills
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A letter from Dick Jauron to Mark Sanchez.

Dear Mark,

I just wanted to say thank you once again for helping me to continue to live out my dream of watching NFL football from the sidelines every week. Your five interceptions on Sunday showed a real commitment to my cause, and provided a clear blue print to the other quarterbacks we’ll face this season as to what exactly is required for me to maintain this facade of being a head coach (I’m looking at you Derek “two completions” Anderson).

Obviously I owe you a huge apology for not doing more to help you in your quest to keep me employed. Not sure what I was thinking (I seldom do during games, it’s all just so exciting) not trying to get closer for that Lindell field goal try at the end of regulation? I think Alex was shouting about trying some runs, or having the runs, but seriously who ever listens to anything that guy says? But once again you came through for me again in overtime. That play uncannily similar to a bunch we had drawn up for JP Losman when he played for us. Has somebody been peaking at our playbook? Naughty, naughty.

I look forward to seeing you again later this season, and if it’s not too much to ask I’m hoping you can take your game to the next level. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate what you’ve done for me already. I’m just wondering if it would be at all possible for you to play so poorly next time that I could get a job as the “head coach” (wink, wink) of a better team? I really like all the fellas here in Buffalo, but they just aren’t really very good. I try to be friends with them. I try to impress upon them the importance of good character, high motors and all that stuff, but they just don’t seem to get it. And don’t get me started on the assistant coaches. All they do is whine about how we never have a “game day strategy”, or that there are “other positions besides defensive back”, or that the smell of my fetid carcass “nauseates everyone to the point of incoherence”. Geesh, what a bunch of cry babies.

Anyway I’ve got to run. Fewell and April are fighting over who get the last donut again. A head coach’s work is never done. Try not to get benched before we play you again.

Love Dick
(and I mean that)
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