Why I still hate the Indianapolis Colts (and you will, too)

By Os Davis | Monday, March 26, 2007 | ( 18 )

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In memory of Dennis Miller, the "Greatest NFL Talking Head of All-Time," a rant.

Has anyone noticed how that nice period of calm quietude that would typically have followed Super Bowl XLI before every media outlet in the universe jumped into the pre-free agency/pre-draft hype?

Not that this football addict minds. C'mon, let's face it, Arena League comes nowhere near to satisfying the itch and I've already run through approximately 1,063,754 YouTube videos. I'm down to cheerleader blooper reels and bad parody news clips about the Canadian Football League.

Now, I don't want to get off on a tangent here, but shouldn't there be a little time between the post-postseason and the pre-preseason? One of the great things about that other American sport is the downtime. Though the World Series is scheduled for just a few days before Christmas, there's still enough time off for sober (OK, not necessarily literally sober) consideration of what transpired in the previous season, putting the reigning champion's accomplishment into historical perspective.

As opposed to the Indianapolis Colts, the 2006 season, and NFL scribes all too willing to bust out the clichéd proclamations of best all-time.

You want a superlative? How about "Super Bowl XLI was the most anti-climactic Super Bowl of all-time"?

Seriously, did anyone except Chicagoans and Coltophobes have the Bears winning this Super Bowl? Was anyone particularly enthralled by the Chosen One's "MVP" performance of 25-for-38, 247 yard, one TD, one interception? Was anyone surprised by counterpart Rex Grossman throwing picks and fumbling the ball?

As for the regular season, I seem to recall woeful proclamations from near and far throughout 2006 regarding the negative effects of parity. (In fact, what's happening to the NFL may even be communistic.) Exactly half the teams in the league posted records between 7-9 and 9-7, four of these made the playoffs, and the Seattle Seahawks became "The Worst Defending NFC Champion to Get to Overtime in the Divisional Playoffs of All-Time."

This is the competition over which the Colts prevailed. After going 9-0 to start the season and earn an unearned reputation as the Super Bowl favorite, the blue-and-white backed into the playoffs by losing their last four away games to three non-playoff teams (the Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans and Houston Texans) plus the marginal Dallas Cowboys. Awe-inspiring stuff.

Yet it is now universally accepted that Manning is an all-time great, bumping Johnny Unitas, a guy who was decades ahead of his time while routinely crushing the opposition on the way to three championships and five total title game appearances, off some top-five lists. Throughout the playoffs, Manning was venerated for being a proven winner, although hundreds of disturbing playoff losses to the New England Patriots and a couple of other teams in this decade had proven the exact opposite.

Seriously, was there this much sympathy for Dan Marino in the 1980s when he typically didn't even get deep enough into the postseason to underperform at Manning's level?

I was hoping the Colts would lose, so all the insufferable sycophants would eat their words. Ah well.

You want five reasons why Manning was given the chance to triumphantly lead his mighty Colts to the title? Tarik Glenn, Ryan Lilja, Jeff Saturday, Jake Scott and Ryan Diem -- that's the Super Bowl champion O-line -- and here's an incredible sixth: just 15 sacks allowed this year. These guys were the best part about the 2006 Colts and yet the high point of their limelight-basking was a two-minute clip on the "Worldwide Leader in [American] Sports," where Saturday got thrown a chintzy trophy for being named NFL non-QB non-RB MVP by my main man Gregg Easterbrook.

Maybe these dudes should be hosting "Saturday Night Live" for a little recognition.

Then there was/is the blitz regarding Tony Dungy as the NFL's first Super Bowl-winning African-American coach. Fine, fine, no one can begrudge the man his kudos. But seriously, comparing him to Jackie Robinson? Dungy earned his spot in history, to be sure, folks, Jackie Robinson debuted in white baseball in Montreal in order to test-market him to a slightly less overtly racist crowd. Jackie Robinson received death threats and was shunned by teammates. The racial barriers Dungy faces are a lot more subtle, revealing that color-blindness is far from reality among NFL front offices.

What will be said about the man when Dungy starts stringing together losing seasons? When his secondary isn't stacked enough to support the Tampa 2 defense? When the downward spiral of Manning's career begins to accelerate?

And while waiting for NFL 2007, Manning's goofy mug is everywhere, the QB's shining moment blinding us to the exclusion of the remainder of the league.

If Manning's sheer ubiquitousness isn't enough to make you loathe the man and his team by the Hall of Fame Game, folks of 30 other fan bases should be consulting Philadelphia Eagles fans vis-à-vis the selection of appropriate objects to hurl at the defending champs when they blow through town right around Week 4.

Everyone with a pulse has noted the Brady Bunch's response to realizing the Patriots fell short exactly one dropped wide-open pass and one badly run route away from a fourth Super Bowl appearance. Spun in terms of the AFC Championship loss, New England's free agency maneuvering is akin to swatting a mosquito with a grenade launcher. And every other NFL franchise is going to receive their fair share of blast.

Here come the Patriots, and you can blame it all on the Colts.

Finally, an apology to Colts fans. Congratulations and everything, but something about having the Lombardi Trophy sitting in Colt surroundings just doesn't feel right. C'mon, when we think Indiana, we're thinking Hoosiers and the Indianapolis 500, right? I mean, Indianapolis, heart of American basketball land, taking the highest honor in football? That's like a team from Dallas winning the NBA title.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Original Indianapolis Colts at RealFootball365.com -- most of it a heck of a lot more positive than this.

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	About Os Davis Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's ...
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Comments: 18 | Sign Up View all comments


	No.1 Andy	12:12 AM 03/27/2007

	I disagree with this article on so many levels I cant' explain them all. First of all Im a varsity lineman in high school, you do ...


	No.2 Jordan MacDonald	06:17 AM 03/27/2007

	"I want to see any team, lets say the Bears, going without at one point in the season: There QB RB LG C RG RT 2 WR's TE DT DE CB ...


	No.3 Richard Williams	06:39 AM 03/27/2007

	These are merely the rantings of a disgruntled Patriots fan. You will find them everywhere and they are all in a very foul mood. ...