The real trouble in Dallas

By Os Davis  |   Tuesday, September 05, 2006  |  Comments( 7 )

Dallas Cowboys
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Let's say you're coaching an NFL team making offseason moves, and you have a choice between three kickers for your starting squad. You can select:

a) A former Super Bowl hero who may or may not have lost a step from his former superstar level (only team doctors know for sure);

b) A guy with a 92 percent field-goal success rate, including a perfect 37-for-37 in 2003; or

c) An untested, unknown guy out of a Division 1-A college who started the preseason as a backup to a washed- up vet dug out of mothballs.

To make the choice simpler, let's call these guys Adam Vinatieri, Mike Vanderjagt and Stephen Gostkowski. And after Vanderjagt's dismal performance on Thursday night in the Dallas Cowboys' tie with the Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick may have added another tale to his legend of genius.

Wait, did I say "dismal"? That may not be enough ... how about "brutal"? Or better yet, "lynch-worthy?" If nothing else, Vandershank - I mean Vanderjagt - has thankfully given the controversy-mongers a change of tune. The new song in Cowboy land is entitled "Terrell Who?" and fans can now subtract a couple of years off their lives whenever the 'Pokes face overtime.

For the record, Vanderjagt's stat line recorded two missed field goals.

Of 32 and 33 yards.

In overtime.

Far be it for sportswriters to kick a man when he's down (so to speak), but Vanderjagt is such an easy target thanks to a tongue problem that, with a slip or two in 2006, may make T.O. look like the domesticated version of Terry Glenn come playoff time. And Vanderjagt's résumé in clutch situations makes armchair comedians everywhere want to resurrect those Scott Norwood jokes.

For eight seasons Vanderjerk - I mean, Vanderjagt - ran up impressive numbers for the Indianapolis Colts as they slowly worked their way up to becoming one of the most feared teams in the AFC. Then the trouble began.

In 2002, Vanderjagt went on Canadian TV between the Colts' 41-0 drubbing at the hands of the New York Jets and the Super Bowl to state that head coach Tony Dungy was "placid," Peyton Manning not emotional enough, and finally "I'm not a real big Colts fan right now, unfortunately. I just don't see us getting better." The comments were stupid enough for Manning to call him an "idiot" on American TV. (The s---kicker may have been right, here, though: Do you think Bill Parcells would allow a player who personally slurred him and his starting QB to remain on the team? Me neither.)

In 2004, Vanderjagt helped the Colts lose at home on opening day to New England by notching his first miss since 2002. The final score of that game was 27-24. Late in the year, Vanderjagt missed an attempt against the San Diego Chargers to send the game into overtime; in all fairness, the man did redeem himself by managing to nail a 30-yarder to win the game.

Talking with the assurance of a man who had a total of 25 attempts during the regular season, Vanderjagt earned the "Vanderjerk" sobriquet from Patriot Rodney Harrison when he proclaimed New England "not as good as last year" before his team's meeting with them in the playoffs. Vanderjagt's teammates gave him the cold shoulder after getting smoked, 20-3.

In 2005, Indianapolis' favorite kicker began the offseason by proclaiming he'd probably go back to the CFL. He didn't, though, and by the ignominious conclusion of the Colts' 2005, Vanderjagt had lofted a last-minute field goal wide right to seal Indy's elimination from the playoffs at the hands of the Pittsburgh Steelers. As his last entry in the Indy stat book, Vanderjagt scored a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty.

Finally tired of his antics, the Colts signed the suddenly unwanted Vinatieri, figuring they finally had the clutch kicker they needed. In turn, the Cowboys signed the troubled 36-year-old Vanderjagt to a three-year contract.

Indy fans, bemoaning Vinatieri's foot injury, have got to be enjoying the schadenfreude in Dallas this week. This is a team that was involved in six games decided by three or fewer points. Jose Cortez' choke job against the Seattle Seahawks in Week 7 last season was enough to earn him a one-way ticket out of Dallas. Cowboy backers doubtlessly hope it won't take a wind-out-of-sails loss like that one for Parcells to pull the trigger on Vanderjagt, should he decide to do so.

And who was that consoling poor Vanderjagt at the end of Thursday's twice-prolonged game? None other than Terrell Owens. While some of the gesture was certainly to get himself more media time, perhaps T.O. was hoping to show a little team spirit, a definite weakness of his team's new placekicker. Say what you want about Terrell the Motormouth, the man is a consistently clutch performer. Right about now, Cowboy fans are mostly clutching their chests at the thought of six potential heart-stoppers against NFC East rivals.

Meanwhile, Shaun Suisham is secretly smiling.

As is Belichick.

Follow Mike Vanderjagt's hits and misses with the Dallas Cowboys at RealFootball365.com.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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CommentsComments: 7  |  Sign Up  View all comments
No.1
tom		05:53 AM
09/05/2006
I have to say all in all I'd take, vanderjack over Jose Cortez and Suisham who combined missed more than they made last year in...
No.2
tam		02:03 PM
09/05/2006
Lets face it, the cowboys suck, and they always will suck. the sun has set on that dynasty and even terrell owens can't save...
No.3
bruce buechel		05:22 PM
09/05/2006
how can you not get behind owens-glenn-jones-witten putting points on the board, oh yea thats right somebody has to throw the...
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