A peek into the mind of Ricky Williams

By Hugo Guzman  |   Monday, May 30, 2005  |  Comments( 0 )

Miami Dolphins
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A lot of people, both in South Florida and throughout the NFL football landscape, would love to know exactly what is going through Ricky Williams head. The weed smoking, new-age healing, 8.6 million dollar owing running back makes for some confusing psychoanalysis. One day he is standing up at a Miami Dolphins team meeting asserting himself as a leader of the team and confirming his commitment to the 04' season. Another day he is busy boarding a plane to the far east, phoning his head coach to inform him that he will not be playing football for the Miami Dolphins anymore. Now, all of a sudden, he wants back into the NFL fraternity. Ricky Williams is apparently ready to once again suit up for the Miami Dolphins.

How exactly does Williams' mind meander through such a broad and contrasting range of thoughts? Perhaps a glimpse into the journal Ricky kept while away from football will give us some insight. Here's a one-week sample of that journal:

Sunday: They can bash me all they want on talk radio, but if you've got Jay Fiedler and A.J. Feeley dropping back on third and eight, you're staring at 4-12 every day of the week and twice on Sundays. . . . Who wants to set an alarm clock Sunday mornings, anyway? . . . If "Desperate Housewives" comes out on DVD, count me in. . . . Even if I wanted to go back to Miami, I can't stand the thought of getting hot-footed. . . . The best thing about holistic healing? Rice Krispie Treats on Fridays! . . . God, I hate helmets.
Monday: I owe the Dolphins $8.6 million? Man. And, to think, I used to complain about the late fees at Blockbuster. . . . Called my connection in the city, Beetle, for old times' sake, but he told me that even if I wanted a nickel bag, the good stuff ain't due in from Brooklyn till next week. . . . I'm tired of hearing how "tough" Jim Brown was. What was he playing, a 12-game season? . . . How come Oprah doesn't have Dr. Phil on anymore? . . . Lenny Kravitz is kickin', but on occasion I wouldn't mind a little karaoke. . . . If I never pee into a cup again, it won't be soon enough.

Tuesday: Yeah, like I wanted to carry the ball 35 times a game for Dave Wannstedt. The man couldn't even put on a headset straight. . . . I didn't bring nothing but NyQuil when I flew Air India from New Delhi, 'cause I didn't want a "Midnight Express" situation, like that poor sap Billy Hayes. . . . Aromatherapy beats the heck out of the whirlpool. . . . I called my agent, Leigh Steinberg, and asked him -- if I have to repay the Dolphins $8.6 million, doesn't he owe 4 percent of that? He put me on hold. . . . Ran up the hill this morning and, for kicks, rolled back down.

Wednesday: If you had a choice between blocking Ray Lewis and smoking Mary Jane, what would you do? . . . No, lie, man -- and I mean this in a nice way -- but if they had drug testing on "The Price Is Right," somebody would be sitting Bob Barker's butt down. . . . Like it was asking too much for the Dolphins to switch to an organic training table? . . . I mean, how do you figure $8.6 million? I sure hope it's a different court that's hearing my next paternity case. . . . It's the most curious thing: When I'm off the herb, I can't stop eating granola.

Thursday: I love the California College of Ayurveda as much as the next guy, but boy, oh, boy, there's not much of a meat market in town on Saturday nights. . . . I canceled my DirecTV -- every time I click on the NFL Network, somebody's getting hit. . . . I'd live in Australia in a heartbeat if I could figure out some way to plug in a microwave in the outback. . . . Where exactly do they get $8.6 million from? Wasn't O.J.'s civil-suit liability for, like, half of that? . . . Boy, do I miss that mulligatawny soup I used to get at that little joint in Calcutta.

Friday: When I was in football shape and Jellybean was holding down at the corner, I could run a 4.25 40. . . . I can deal with a four-game suspension -- that's not a punishment, that's a good month in Cancun -- but this $8.6 million business sounds like an old-fashioned shakedown. . . . I got me a hankering for some mango chutney. . . . I knew it was time to get out when the '04 Dolphins playbook had a "Ricky Williams pullout section." . . . The other day at yoga, I had the most unexpected urge to whack a blocking sled.

Saturday: Grass Valley's pretty serene, but when I ran a MapQuest on the nearest 7-Eleven, it suggested I plant my own fast food. . . . Geez, if I owe $8.6 million, you'd think I was rooming with Michael Milken. . . . I might have to reconsider my DirecTV decision. I already miss ESPNU. . . . I've got to remember to order a Harry and David fruit basket for my swami's birthday next week. . . . The Original Whizzinator? Two-a-days, here I come!!!
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About Hugo Guzman

Trying to bring an objective approach to NFL analysis.
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