Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

By Os Davis  |   Wednesday, July 16, 2008  |  Comments( 14 )

Detroit Lions
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The funniest thing about the whole Brett Favre mess right now is the way local mainstream media can use the aged QB as narcissistic fantasy of the hometown team; currently boosters of, say, 26 NFL franchises (excepting New England, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Dallas and – heh heh – Green Bay) are idly daydreaming about the possibility of employing a Hall of Famer to pilot their ship.

Things in Detroit Lions Land are unexceptional in this regard, it appears, with bored writer Mike O’Hara of the Detroit News posing the hypothetical to head coach Rod Marinelli.

The extent of Marinelli’s response to the “What about Favre in a Lions uniform?” question during the “brief interview” is nicely terse and deserves quotation:

"I really don't know a whole lot about it to even speculate yet ... There's really nothing to comment on."

Marinelli did not comment further.

(On one hand, with access to the Lions' power structure in the dead of summer, you can’t really blame O’Hara as a reporter. On the other hand, yeesh. Rod’s, like, on vacation and all.)

The officially backed RealFootball365.com response to such speculation and preemptive cry for sanity to Matt Millen, who you know has given more than token consideration to the idea of signing Favre, follows.

(Throat-clearing sound, channeling the late great Sam Kinison from the spirit world.)

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Aaaah, aaaaah, noooooooooooo!

Please imagine the following as a nice, neatly punctuated list with bullet points if you would. My unfortunate neurons have been splattered a la "Scanners" with the very thought of Favre in a Lions uniform for 2008.

OK, first of all, Jon Kitna is not the problem. Statistically and not including Favre, Kitna is currently tops in the NFC North in nearly all measures. And with the receiving corps they’ve managed to assemble by weeding through about 273 first-, second- and fifth-round picks through Matt Millen's tenure – namely, Calvin Johnson, Roy Williams and Mike Furrey – you could have Ingle Martin IV in there and save a lot of money.

Which reminds me: As far as this money thing goes, does Millen realize he’ll have to pay Favre approximately $12 million? After digging themselves out of the salary-cap hole and finally seeing a little daylight, can’t you just imagine Millen just burying the Lions in financial woes again by signing Favre to a two-year deal? “It’s so crazy,” the president of operations is probably reasoning as you read this, “it just might work. After all, it’s not my money.”

Which is the problem with guys like Millen and his now-unemployed counterpart Isiah Thomas over there in that other sport: Rich owners are willing to fund former players’ real-life fantasy teams. The Millens and the Thomases of the world can see talent, no question about it. But when that apparent superstar comes so cheaply, well, even the intermediate-level player would avoid an over-inflated salary that straps the cap for eons. And whom are you gonna trade, anyway? No, don’t you even look Cory Redding’s way. Nor Williams. These guys shouldn’t be going anywhere. And why would Prima Favre want to play with, let’s face it, a popularly perceived mediocre-at-best team? And wouldn’t a majority of games on turf finally do in the man’s knees? And, most of all, what if Favre looks less like Joe Montana’s decent late-career play with the Kansas City Chiefs and more like freaking Joe Namath’s with the Los Angeles Rams? I know, I know, that’s heresy, but mark my words. And how else can I write about this crazy travesty of an idea without USING THE FIRST-PERSON?!?!

(Hyperventilating.)

Phew. Let’s hope there’s no more of this sort of “news” reporting. I need a vacation. Think I should give Rod a call or just pop in on him?

Taking it all too seriously throughout the year at RealFootball365.com
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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