Spikes and Culpepper? Yes and no

By Os Davis  |   Sunday, July 20, 2008  |  Comments( 10 )

Detroit Lions
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At some point in this haze of NFL nothingness (Mike O’Hara of The Detroit News vaguely believes it to have been “earlier this month”), the Detroit Lions received a phone call from one Daunte Rachard Culpepper.

Culpepper was acting as agent for QB Daunte Culpepper, a guy who broke maybe a fantasy football owner’s heart in, what, three successive seasons? Unfortunately, O’Hara was also unable to comment on the actual conversation had between the parties, if one in actuality took place at all.

Sudden thought: If a player calls a franchise and no one is there to answer, does it make a sound? Whoa, heavy.

Or better imagine a sweet low-level receptionist type advising agent Culpepper: “Yes, Mr. Coylpeppa, someone will certainly get back to you ... I know, know, ‘Coylpeppa’ with three P’s, two toward the back ... Someone will get back to you, sir, I promise. Goodbye, Mr. Coylpeppa.”

One wonders if Culpepper merely went down the list of NFL franchises in order of desirability, desperation or alphabet as the downward spiral of his career is ever lengthened by the more desperate lots of the NFL. How could Culpepper the agent sell Culpepper the player? With the stats?

The stats say that Culpepper had a monster year in his last full season as a starter: 4,717 yards passing on a 69.2 percent completion rate with 39 TDs against just 11 interceptions. Culpepper is a three-time Pro Bowler who has led offenses that were top five four times and twice No. 1 in the NFL.

Unfortunately, the stats also state that Culpepper’s last full, Pro Bowl season was in fact in 2004. For the Miami Dolphins in 2006, Culpepper managed a completion rate of just over 60 percent with three interceptions against two TDs and an incredible 21 sacks suffered.

(Of course, the hopefully savvy agent version of Culpepper has long since told his statistics, as in the classic Peanuts comic strip, to shut up and hasn’t let those ugly numbers slip in his phone conversation with Donna the receptionist.)

Last year, of course, the headlines were hopeful in Oakland: The certainly permanent injuries that first started messing the man up in 2005 were healed! Resurrected Daunte will be like Daunte of old, a top-three NFL QB as late as three seasons prior! All that stuff about him needing a superstar receiver like Randy Moss is nonsense! And draft him for your fantasy team, too!

The result, as we all know, was terrifying. Sure, Culpepper put together a dandy game in relief in Week 5, turning in a crazy five touchdowns while auditioning for the lead role in Richard III. A brilliant effort, particularly in fantasy ball, against the Miami Dolphins in a bid for revenge. That’s it, end of career.

Do the Lions need this guy? The take here is not quite as strong as that against Favre in Detroit, but put simply: No. No, no, no. Thank you.

On the other hand, linebacker Takeo Spikes, according to O’Hara, paid “a recent visit” to the Lions. (Cue Jerry Seinfeld: “Don’t you just hate the pop-in?”) Like Culpepper, Spikes’ peak years are behind him with his All-Pro seasons also ending in 2004. Unlike the Culpepper scenario, however, this potential signing is intriguing for the Lions.

Sure, Spikes is no longer a top-five NFL linebacker, but it says here the Lions' roster isn’t sporting anyone of the ilk excepting young Ernie Sims. Thinness at the position, too, has to be a concern in general for Detroit, so why not pick up a vet to play the occasional first and second downs?

After all, it’s not that Spikes has been unproductive lately, playing in 26 games in the past two seasons. Sure, a rotator cuff injury ended his season prematurely in December, but can’t you just have him lay off the curveball for a while? Spikes can play the ultra-speedy, super-reactive form of defense preferred by Rod Marinelli’s Lions; heck, his All-Pro years of 2003 and 2004 were with the Buffalo Bills running a similar sort of undersized ‘D’. And the former first-rounder is hardly an attitude problem, either.

So why not sign Spikes?

For that matter, why hasn’t anyone signed Spikes already? The last we’ve heard from the man himself appears on his woefully under-updated official Web site TakeoSpikes51.com. As of late March, “The 49ers, Browns, Saints and Patriots all [were] interested in his services. The linebacker visited San Francisco earlier this month, and the 49ers were not scared off by the torn rotator cuff that ended Spikes' 2007 season prematurely.”

No mention of the Lions there, you may notice, but, um, we’re discussing O’Hara’s claim anyway.

In the end, salary cap willing and Spikes’ price tag has to be reasonable at this point, Detroit can simply not be serious about passing on a much-needed roster filler, an on-field leader who could turn in 100 tackles (he was on pace for 97 before the injury last year) as a Lion in 2008.

Of course, this writer is far too cynical about the capacity of Detroit's management’s for logical personnel moves to believe Spikes to Detroit could happen. Fans can dream, however.

RealFootball365.com: A free agent throughout the year.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's ...
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