Pop quiz: 2008 Detroit Lions

By Os Davis  |   Tuesday, September 23, 2008  |  Comments( 3 )

Detroit Lions
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Hope you’ve been paying attention to the Detroit Lions’ season thus far. (It’s amazing that a train wreck like the 2008 Honolulu blue-and-silver express can actually command so little notice, isn’t it?)

Hey, lack of time is no excuse; after all, this writer painstakingly sat through every minute of the Lions-49ers game – of course, my fantasy team has J.T. O’Sullivan and Isaac Bruce.

In any case, a quick pop quiz on the progress of everyone’s favorite beatdogs, those lovable Lions! Please use a crayon in marking your answers; potentially dangerous items such as pencils and pens have been removed from the classroom to protect the personal safety of distraught Detroit fans.

Question No. 1. According to ESPN.com's John Clayton, “Scoring is now at 43.8 points per game, the highest-scoring start since 2002. The normally low-scoring NFC, which for years conceded quarterback play to the AFC, has only four teams scoring fewer than 20 points a game.” One of those four teams is:

a) The Lions, at 19.7 points per game.
b) The Lions, for whom 19.7 points isn’t even enough to make up a deficit dug within the first 20 minutes in each of the first three games.
c) The Lions, whose promised switch to a run-based attack is quite a bit tougher to accomplish when the ‘D’ digs a three-touchdown hole every game.
d) The Lions, who will be stunned to see Roy Williams scoring touchdowns in gobs elsewhere in 2009 (and Calvin Johnson in about 2012).

2. At their current torrid pace, the 2008 Lions defense will give up ...

a) ... 603 points.
b) ... 603 points, and they’ve already played the Falcons and 49ers.
c) ... 603 points, exactly two touchdowns more than the 2007 New England Patriots scored.
d) ... dude, a lot of points.

3. The best thing to come of the 31-13 loss to San Francisco was:

a)
b)
c)
d)

4. Good news, Lions fans:

a) The Orlovsky era is nigh!
b) The average age of an American male is 74.8 years. Sheer odds say therefore that Matt Millen should retain his position for only about 25 more years! (That’s soon, astronomically speaking.)
c) The NBA season is only 35 days away!
d) Barack Obama is back up in the polls and, because he’s the anti-Christ who will bring about Armageddon, will thus relieve your suffering well before the 2009 NFL Draft!

5. Head coach Rod Marinelli is “optimistic” going into the bye week because. ..

a) ... he’s as out of touch with the 2008 NFL season as John McCain is with the 2008 U.S. economy.
b) ... he believes his guys can hold bye to 10 or fewer points in the first quarter.
c) ... he can bench Jon Kitna, Calvin Johnson, Roy Williams and the Detroit's 'DST' on his fantasy team and finally win a week.
d) ... the man’s black “Bubbles” cap is so damn tight that it’s cutting the blood off to his brain.

6. The Marinelli line, “You just move forward. That’s what I do. Then we come back and we get ready to move on...” was used by the coach:

a) after the Week 1 loss.
b) after the Week 2 loss.
c) after Week 3 loss.
d) ad infinitum.

7. _________ Millen.

a) Fire
b) Fire
c) Fire
d) Fire, then tar, feather and possibly quarter.

Scoring: Give yourself zero points for any answer of a, b, c, or d. If you were expecting to score points in a test of football, you probably should’ve checked out a Denver Broncos Web site.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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