Rod Marinelli’s three envelopes

By Os Davis  |   Thursday, October 05, 2006  |  Comments( 1 )

Detroit Lions
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When Rod Marinelli was hired as Detroit Lions head coach following the 2005 season, he felt trepidation. Sure, the tough-as-nails Marine Corps-looking guy would never fess up as such in a million years, but Marinelli couldn't hide from himself the realities of becoming a head coach for the first time at any level. Said realities didn't even factor in the collection of overblown draft picks and stabs in the dark comprising the roster he'd been handed.

Upon facing up to the struggle ahead, Marinelli realized he'd have to turn to someone for help: The only someone, in fact, who could actually relate to Marinelli's position and provide relevant advice. Marinelli turned to Steve Mariucci.

This meeting of the minds was a clandestine affair taking place in the stands of Ford Field on a cold January day. Mariucci knew how fiendishly clever his former boss Matt Millen was, how Millen saw all and knew all. But the erstwhile Lions leader gambled that he could get five minutes free in the one area of Detroit the G.M. apparently didn't care about and thus never visited.

"Hi," said the always jovial and loquacious Marinelli upon meeting his confidant. "Glad you could make it. Hey, listen, so about Martz' gameplan. Do you think I have enough receiv--"

"Shut up," hissed Mariucci, "Do you realize what might happen if he finds us here? You might be fired. Or worse."

"Worse?" said Marinelli, a bit slow on the uptake.

"Yeah. He might try and rehire me."

"Oh."

"Listen. This job that you've taken on is big. Real big. So here's what I'm going to do. When I took on this position, I did the same thing you're doing right now --"

"You mean a full-time impression of Dwight Eisenhower on downers?"

"No, you idiot. I mean I met with my predecessor, Marty Mornhinweg. He helped me a lot. Listen. He gave me these three envelopes."

"Those three?"

"Not these three, but three just like them. Whenever you get into a jam, just open one of them, read the note inside and follow the directions. Got it?"

"I think so," Marinelli agreed slowly, hoping he in fact did.

"Good. Good luck." And with that, Mariucci disappeared with all the stealth of an Orlando Renegade.

It wasn't long before Marinelli found himself in need of the first envelope. This kid Joey Harrington drove the coach nuts just to look at him with that full head of hair, and Millen was pushing Marinelli to take Santonio Holmes because all the Lions were short was a wide receiver.

Marinelli went to his office, opened the first envelope and took out the piece of paper inside. It read, "Remake the team in your own image."

And so Marinelli did exactly that. Out went Harrington. Drafted were LB Ernie Sims, safety Daniel Bullocks and other guys of Marinelli's choosing. Marinelli got a couple of ex-Buccaneers to sign one-year deals and a nucleus of a team was forming.

In camp, though, things still didn't feel right. A lack of marquee superstars would be all right, except no one was coming up to truly fill leadership roles. Marinelli was becoming uncomfortable again with the task he'd undertaken and, not wanting to lose more sleep, opened the second envelope. It read, "Generate high expectations."

And so Marinelli did exactly that. In front of the media he discussed excitedly (well, okay, maybe his tone of voice wavered a bit) the possibilities of "Lions Football" while espousing the virtues of some of the great new talent assembled for the silver-and-Honolulu blue. Marinelli's rhetoric caught the imagination of the media and even fired up his team enough to play to a win in the first preseason game. Fans dreamed of reaching lofty heights such as - gasp! - 8-8.

Alas, the illusions were blown away and reality once again sets in. Sitting disconsolately at his desk, Marinelli ponders the team's 0-4 start, zero interceptions, shapeless offense and basic utter hopelessness. He sighs heavily and opens the third envelope.

It reads, "Prepare three envelopes..."

Wait 'til next year with the Detroit Lions here at RealFootball365.com.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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