The Most Useless Player in the NFL

By Os Davis  |   Wednesday, November 01, 2006  |  Comments( 3 )

Detroit Lions
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Subject of much hype this week was the release of the "most overrated player" list, a Sports Illustrated poll that had over 350 NFL players declaring Terrell Owens and Brian Urlacher No. 1 and No. 2 on this list of shame. (Note to those 65 or so guys who chose one of the two: Yeah, surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre.)

In response, today, RealFootball365 presents its own ersatz award. Based on a scientific poll of exactly one non-NFL playing, sportswriting dude and his Madden football knowledge, the winner of the First Annual RealFootball365 Most Overrated Player Award goes to ... Mike Williams of the Detroit Lions!

And how, you may ask, was this irrefutable opinion reached? Well, last week, in this writer's heartfelt sacrifice for the good of Lions fans, a simulation of the silver-and-Honolulu blue was undertaken playing "coach mode"-style in Madden NFL football. After tossing the Cover 2 defense and adapting a run-heavy (read: Kevin Jones-heavy) offense, the electronic alternate-universe Lions struggled through the 2006 season at a 9-7 clip, good enough for the playoffs. The guys got smoked in the Wild Card Round at Ford Field, but that's another story.

(Incidentally, adding fan booing a couple of versions back was a good move by the Madden team, but hearing those ungrateful video #$!@#%#$%s in Detroit jeer the Lions off the field after appearing in the playoffs after 50 years of rebuilding makes me want to move the team to Santa Fe.)

In the postseason, my Lions were hit with a number of retirements in key positions. The free agency market was strong, the draft weak; no matter; my guys are doomed to years' worth of an insufficient roster all because of a couple of obnoxious contracts, Mike Williams among them. Williams' fat contract, in tandem with being out of shape, is almost quite single-handedly responsible for the joke this team will - barring miracles - continue to be throughout the decade. Williams' $13.5 million (and $9.5 million guaranteed) salary tears a huge chunk out of the salary cap and virtually ensures that, even if a marquee player found a reason to play in Detroit, his signing is unlikely.

In 2005, Williams signed for this ridiculous sum after being drafted ridiculously high in order to make a ridiculous game plan for a ridiculously overrated (at least by Lions brass) quarterback. The noise greeting the announcement of Williams' drafting was almost as hilarious as the pick itself (if you're not a Detroit fan); you can check out the YouTube clip on TrojanWire.com. (Hurry before the Tube's Google owners pull it.)

Last year, after running up more than $500,000 in fines for reportedly setting an NFL record for missing team meetings and coming to camp resembling Charles Barkley circa 2003. As a rookie in 2005, the 10th pick overall made 29 catches while managing two fumbles. This year, head coach Rod Marinelli has had enough patience with the über-slacker to call two passes for him all year. Williams has dropped both; if the season ended today (and don't Detroit fans wish it would...), that's $175,000 per incompletion. What a bargain.

And don't forget, sports fans, Williams is signed through 2009, so there should be many more chances for him to make the highlight reels.

In fact, Williams' salary is so outrageously high that it actually kept him on the team. Throughout the preseason, new boss Marinelli made it clear that hard work was the No. 1 priority (if only winning ballgames had made the top 10...) on his team and that no one - bonus babies or no - was assured of a spot on the team. Ask Dan Wilkinson.

Back in August, Detroit media had it that Marinelli wanted to cut both Williams and 2004 No. 2 overall pick Charles Rogers, but that salary cap restrictions would force the team to keep both. "Luckily," a little creative accounting allowed the dismissal of Rogers, a dude who later had the cajones to dog it through a workout with the New England Patriots.

This season, with the Lions mysteriously short on receivers despite having drafted one a year in the first round in 2003, 2004 and 2005, Detroit couldn't make a play for Deion Branch, Joey Porter or any other WR that might make an impact due to financial restrictions. Instead, they welcomed Az-Zahir Hakim, a former Mike Martz favorite to fill the roster. Hakim was unceremoniously shown the door yesterday after letting the team throw a few bucks away while catching a whopping 17 passes.

In the end (although this story may not end for another generation or so), the legacy of Mike Williams will go far beyond mere status as one of the biggest draft busts of all-time; Williams will be another notable chapter in another decade's worth of football busting, no matter how many more passes he drops. You could have any organism from Bill Cowher to a sentient ammonia cloud from a planet orbiting Arcturus calling the shots for this team, but there's only so far strategy can go when dollars are dictating the competence level.

Of course, there is another way of looking at Williams' worth. As one enterprising Detroit sportswriter calculated, due to the $600,000 in fines run up in 2005, Williams' salary of $230,000 and $350,000 (all figures reported before taxes) is completely swallowed by team management. Therefore, Williams is playing for free this season and, boy, is he worth every penny.

P.S.

Fire Millen.

RealFootball365.com: Where we weekly contemplate the abyss that is the Detroit Lions.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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CommentsComments: 3  |  Sign Up  View all comments
No.1
Bernard		10:16 PM
11/03/2006
Too bad that contracts can't be written so that payment is based on production in the NFL, and not from college stats.
No.2
JJ		06:16 AM
11/17/2006
You think Mike Williams is a flop, well come to Oakland and look at the 2nd pick in the draft who can't block, and doesn't appear...
No.3
Jason		02:04 PM
07/17/2007
I played against this guy in high school I really didn't think he was all the hype. In college he had a couple good seasons but...
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