Pac-man your bags, Adam

By Lou DiPietro  |   Friday, January 09, 2009  |  Comments( 3 )

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As of press time, the first full week of January isn’t even in the books -- yet the NFL already has its leading candidate for the “worst-spun news item of 2009” award.

The Dallas Cowboys released Adam “Pacman” Jones.

Well, that’s not so newsworthy in and of itself. Players get released all the time in the NFL. Sure, on the surface it’s surprising that the Cowboys would release a “marquee” player they courted heavily, surrendered a fourth-round draft pick to acquire and even hired a bodyguard to protect.

Don’t be alarmed, though, as it also surprised Jones. But what surprised everybody is the alleged reason: Jerry Jones and company found out about another apparent shooting outside a strip club in 2007, this one near Atlanta, and decided that Jones was no longer worth the trouble.

Really? Now, this is according to ESPN, which isn’t exactly Frankie the Ear from HotSportsScoopz.com. After all, if you watch their NFL coverage religiously, you see Ed Werder at Valley Ranch so often that you might wonder if he’s the caretaker in his spare time. They even have a segment ready to air on this weekend’s "Outside the Lines" with interviews from the gentlemen who claim that the Pac-Posse was ready to make some bodies turn cold on that fateful Hotlanta night.

Take all that into consideration. Then remember that this is the Dallas Cowboys, the same team that has tolerated Terrell Owens for the last three seasons, given Tank Johnson -- who actually went to jail on gun charges, mind you -- a second chance and actually signed Dimitrius Underwood, who at the time was a clinically diagnosed bipolar suicide risk that had escaped from a psychiatric care facility.

It’s not exactly as if Jerry Jones is a Cub Scout leader here. So now, the team has cut Adam Jones, allegedly because of something they just found out about two years after it happened that makes him a public relations nightmare and/or a recidivism risk? News flash: He already is a recidivist. He was a recidivist the minute Roger Goodell suspended him for fighting his team-appointed bodyguard in a hotel bathroom.

If you never thought you’d see the day where any NFL writer claimed that Pacman got a bum rap, raise your hand and cross that off your bucket list. I mean, really, if this is close to true, this has to be the runaway winner of ridiculous story of the year. It’d be like the editors here at RF365.com firing me because I once took a box of pens from the supply closet at WWE.

Point is, it’s a past indiscretion, similar to one he’s already paid his debt to the NFL for to boot, and if the Cowboys really had issue with it, why not just work a “stay out of strip clubs” clause into his contract? Between Jones, Plaxico Burress and the Ray Lewis saga of years past, that might end up being standard language in every NFL contract in the future. Teams can do those kinds of things; even in an NFL where almost no money is guaranteed and job security is slightly lower than in the rest of the American business sector, it’s actually an easy way out. While it might not prevent stupidity -- like, say, forgetting to clip the safety on a gun hidden in your sweatpants or not finding anything wrong with dogfighting on your property-- it sure would make a player think twice about making dumb decisions.

So, yes, in essence, Adam, you got a bum rap. I mean, the Cowboys could have released you because of the hotel bathroom incident. Or because your production -- 4.5 yards per punt return, 26 tackles and no interceptions on defense -- isn’t what a player of your marquee and salary class should be producing. But for allegedly having your posse shoot up a strip club in 2007? When they already knew that was your gimmick? It makes Boston College's firing of Jeff Jagodzinski for interviewing with the New York Jets look like a rational decision.

As a fan, I can only hope that Dallas re-signs Jones and then trades for Burress and Brett Favre this offseason. The ensuing media circus would probably require the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” to launch ESPNVR (Valley Ranch) just for the sheer hilarity value.

Goodbye, then, Adam Jones, we hardly knew you. And as Elton John might sing, your candle burned out long before your legend ever will. Please, though, for the sake of the children, don’t drown your sorrows at the strip club. Because no matter how much Cinnamon and Ginger might love your money, there’s still no sex in the champagne room -- and probably no meetings with NFL general managers, either.

I only wonder what kind of odds Os Davis can find on Pacman returning to TNA Wrestling instead of the NFL for his next “Odds on the Odd” column. Now that his former partner, Ron Killings, has left for greener WWE pastures, maybe Adam Jones and Mick Foley can join forces as “Team Bang-Bang"?

I don’t know which would be more of a public relations nightmare, but at least the ’Boys fleeced a sixth-round draft pick out of the Titans for their trouble.
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About Lou DiPietro

Lou DiPietro is an accomplished freelance writer who is fascinated with all things sports. In addition to his duties at RealFootball365.com, Lou contributes to TheBleacherReport.com and Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine, and has been featured on "The Sports Buffet with Matt West" on 1080-AM ESPN...
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