No. 4 stands for “Attention Wh_re”

By Todd L. Frank  |   Thursday, August 20, 2009  |  Comments( 3 )

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Maybe Brett Favre just wants to put his “Most Career Interceptions Thrown” record out of reach for any future quarterbacks. Congratulations, Minnesota. You’ve just hired the biggest self-centered diva in professional sports to play for a mediocre head coach who now has zero credibility in his own locker room.

Look, I realize Favre was and possibly still is a great quarterback and sure-fire Hall of Famer if he’ll ever stay retired for 5 years to reach eligibility. But #4 has officially committed that cardinal sin of putting himself above the team, the game, and everything for his own selfish interests. I don’t have a problem with older athletes holding on and playing for as long as they want and/or as long as their health and skills allow. Jerry Rice bounced around to Oakland and Seattle at the end of his career. Shaquille O’Neal is limping his big body up to Cleveland of all places for one last shot at glory with LeBron. Fine. Go for it.

Neither of those guys retired in a tearful news conference. Actually, I could almost live with one post-retirement comeback, a change of heart after walking away too soon. But What Favre has done and has gone way beyond that. A few years ago, he’d hem and haw at the end of every season in Green Bay. Okay, he was getting older and it probably takes a while after a season ends to recover physically and emotionally and decide if you want to do it all again the next season. After his final season for the Packers, he was so indecisive that finally Green Bay forced his hand. Not in January, he wasn’t rushed or pressured, they just (reasonably) needed to know his plans before the April draft. Brett continued to waffle. Finally, in March of 2008, he retired. The tears flowed. “I am officially retiring from the NFL and the Green Bay Packers,” he said. “It is on my terms. Which is a good way to go out.”

Apparently, coming back, and retiring again, and coming back again, would also be on his terms.

By that summer, he changed his mind and decided he wanted to play. By that time the Packers had moved on didn’t want Favre back. Some say they were foolish, some say they disrespected Favre, or both. But at some point that franchise decided to maintain some credibility, keep the respect of their locker room and stick by their guns, if not their former gunslinger.

So Favre stomped off to his room and pouted about wanting to be traded to Minnesota. We all know the story, Favre ended up with the New York Jets, who feasted on a favorable schedule and built up a decent record until Favre started to break down and throw passes to guys on the other teams. All the while, “regular guy in wrangler jeans” Brett insisted on having his own office and dressing away from the team locker room. Classy.

Once his New York minute was up…. He retired. Again. His agent Bus Cook negotiated his release from the Jets, claiming it was a formality. On April 28, 2009, Favre claimed (apparently with a straight face), “Nothing has changed. At this time, I am retired and have no intention of returning to football.” Of course, we all heard that phrase “at this time” and knew #4 would come back more times than that guy in the horror movies with the hockey mask.

The next day, Cook said “He's retired, he doesn't have any desire to come back, and that's the way it is with Brett.” Cook recycled the garbage about the release from the Jets being “the order of business,” adding, “Brett wants to retire as a Packer and that's just part of it.”

And those lies and half-truths and fake denials and coy silence continued all spring and summer. Because Brett Favre is an attention whore.
On May 4, Favre said in a text message to ESPN's Trent Dilfer that he will not consider playing in 2009. On May 6, reports surfaced that head coach Brad Childress was going to Mississippi to meet with Favre. When Childress never left town, Yahoo Sports reported that Favre called Childress “sometime in the last day” to tell him he would remain retired. For the rest of the month, X-rays of Favre’s shoulder were sent to Minnesota, Favre met with doctors, and eventually had surgery.

Brad Childress and the Vikings set a few deadlines throughout the summer, and Favre ignored or broke them all. On June 8, ESPN reported that Childress imposed a deadline of that week for Favre to make a decision. The next day, ESPN reported the Vikings have temporarily suspended their pursuit Favre after he failed to report to organized team activities, as Childress had mandated. Ah, “temporarily.” Childress and the Vikings sound like jilted lovers who claim they will NEVER go crawling back to their ex…. Until they inevitably do.

A week later, Favre broke his months-long silence and admited to Joe Buck on HBO that “it makes perfect sense” for him to play in Minnesota, even referring to the Vikings as “we” at one point.
Then, Favre set his own deadline. It was reported that Favre said he might need until July 29, the opening day of training camp, to make his decision. Three days later, Favre told the AP that he would give the Vikings an answer before training camp. The day before camp, Favre informed Childress he’s staying retired.

Just days after his Vikings teammates are done sweating out the dog days of summer training camp and sleeping in little college dorm beds, voila!, St. Brett rides in to the rescue and shows up at his introductory press conference wearing a dirty hat (cuz he’s just so authentic, coming right off his tractor to carry his team glory) and a shit-eating grin on his face.

The media eats it up of course. They immediately declare the Minnesota Vikings as the team to beat in the NFC as Super Bowl contenders. Some of them manage to criticize Lord Favre just slightly by calling him “indecisive” and a bit of a drama queen. But for the most part they did what they always do: they called Brett Favre a competitor and a winner, blah blah blah.

When Favre chucks the ball up on a wing and a prayer, he is celebrated as a fearless gunslinger. Someone else makes that same pass, and he’s a “poor decision maker.” Favre is continually praised for his love of the game, for being “like a little kid out there.” Yea, Brett Favre is the only guy who likes playing football. Gimme a break.

One alleged sports journalist went on the radio and said, “Say what you want about Brett Favre, but he is REAL. That is indisputable.” Huh? Real? Indisputable? More like a real phony. The guy is a compulsive liar who manipulates coy phrasing for the sole purpose of being able to later claim he never lied. If he was “real,” wouldn’t he attend training camp and not insist on his own special office away from the team locker room?

I think he’s now changed his mind more times than his number of career touchdown passes. Actually, he’s never changed his mind. He’s orchestrated this whole circus and used “indecision” as a front for manipulation. My friend emailed me when the news broke and said “I hope someone breaks his knees.” Of course, I’d never wish such a thing on someone not named Dick Cheney. Because that would give the Vikings and Favre an excuse. I’d rather see him do what he’s always done: throw a lot of interceptions, play spectacular one week and spectacularly mediocre the next week and erratically “lead” the Vikings to an 8-8 record and miss the playoffs.

Sure, all great athletes miss the roar of the crowd and have a tough time going quietly into the Mississippi night to hang out with their family in relative anonymity. But this guy just wants to be coddled and told how much he is wanted and loved, apparently not just by his family, but by at least one NFL football team, their fan base, and the fawning media. I’m surprised the recently retired John Madden hasn’t announced a return to broadcasting, but Favre has only been a Viking for a couple of days, so stay tuned.
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