Real to Reel: A weekly film-flam session

By Chris Cluff | Monday, October 01, 2007 | ( 1 )

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Daunte Culpepper and Jamal Lewis made their points, while Matt Schaub and Darrell Jackson did not.

It was a big week for reunions in the NFL, with seven key players and coaches facing their former teams for the first time.

The final score of the reunion game was 5-2, in favor of the players/coaches. Here's the rundown of Class Reunion Day:

Daunte Culpepper vs. Miami: Voted "Most Likely to Never Play Well Again as Long as Randy Moss is on Another Team," Culpepper showed the Dolphins his knee is healthy by running for three touchdowns and throwing for two more. Then he reportedly asked the Raiders to trade him to Houston so he could play the Dolphins next week.

Jamal Lewis vs. Baltimore: In his final two years in Baltimore, Lewis was voted "Fastest Flameout by a 2,000-yard Rusher." Lewis was held to just 64 yards on 23 rushes by his former Baltimore teammates, who apparently were so concerned with stopping him that they forgot about the other former Raven, Derek Anderson, who threw two touchdown passes in Cleveland's 27-13 win.

Matt Schaub vs. Atlanta: Schaub was voted "Most Likely to be Traded Just Before the Team Needs Him to Replace its Felonious Starting QB." But, missing his top receiver and running back, Schaub couldn't lead his Texans over the Falcons. Of course, his passer rating was much better than that of the Atlanta front office, which didn't rate him better than Michael Vick when it should have.

Darrell Jackson vs. Seattle: Jackson was voted "Most Selfish" by the Seattle front office and "Most Likely to Drop the Ball" by fans before he was traded to the 49ers. He caught just three inconsequential passes from another former Seahawk, Trent Dilfer. Just as we expected, D-Jack didn't do jack.

Ken Whisenhunt/Russ Grimm vs. Pittsburgh: Whisenhunt and Grimm thought they were vying for "Most Likely to Become the Steelers' New Coach" last year, but that honor went to Mike Tomlin. So Whisenhunt and Grimm, now with Arizona, were certainly happy to upset their old team and beat the Steelers' new coach - even if it took a quarterback older than Tomlin to do it.

Donnie Edwards vs. San Diego: The "Most Likely to Lead the Team in Tackles and Front-Office Animosity" in San Diego, Edwards surely was satisfied to beat General Manager A.J. Smith's team, which definitely misses its former leading tackler and front-office antagonist.

DOWN TIME

Michael Vick, the Falcons' felonious punk, tested positive for marijuana and now faces a court-ordered curfew and drug testing until a judge decides in December how much time the former Hokie will do in the pokey.

Obviously, time is not on the quarterback's side anymore.

"Vick tock, Vick tock ..."

CSI (CIVIL SUIT IDIOCY) NEW YORK

A busy-body consumer lawyer in New Jersey has sued the New England Patriots over the videotaping incident and is trying to collect $184 million for Jets fans who have watched Bill Belichick's Patriots stage eight "fraudulent" games at Giants Stadium.

The frivolous suit will be thrown out, legal experts say, because Jets fans lost their right to complain about "fraudulent" games when their team beat the Seahawks on that bogus Vinny Testaverde touchdown in 1998.

DIVISION OF LABOR

Obviously annoyed that the Phillies overtook the Mets for the NL East title earlier in the day, the New York Giants took it out on Philly QB Donovan McNabb, tying an NFL record by sacking him a dozen times Sunday night.

Although he is a Chicago native, McNabb is said to be rooting for the Arizona Diamondbacks to beat the Cubs so the Phillies won't have to.

That way, the Bears will take it out on Matt Leinart and Kurt Warner.

QUICK HITS

**Speaking of Warner, the D-backs have been so impressed by his relief work for the Cardinals that they reportedly have added the right-hander with the pinpoint accuracy to their own bullpen for the playoffs.

**St. Louis is running a ramshackle offense. Left tackle Orlando Pace is lost for the season again, running back Steven Jackson is out with a torn groin, quarterback Marc Bulger is playing with two busted ribs, receiver Torry Holt is playing on a bum knee, and receiver Isaac Bruce has a bad hammy. We hear the team is now traveling to games in a special-edition Dodge Rambulance.

**The NFL has banned home cheerleaders from warming up near the visiting players' sideline so as not to distract the young men who are trying to focus on beating the home team. The franchises reported to be most upset about the rule are the Bears and Skins, who say they didn't know NFL stood for "No Flirting Lasses."

STAT LINES

**Green Bay QB Brett Favre added the NFL records for touchdown passes (422) and attempts (8,394) to his ever-expanding Hall of Fame resume. He now has broken four records this season, including the record for most records broken in a season.

**Yeah, the Detroit Lions scored an NFL-record 34 points in the fourth quarter of their 37-27 win over the Chicago Bears, but QB Jon Kitna was sacked six times and is on pace to endure 64 sacks, which would make him the "Paper or Plastic Lion."

**Philadelphia substitute LT Winston Justice was dominated by Giants end Osi Umenyiora, who got past the young lineman to sack McNabb six times. After being dumped on all game, all anyone could hear McNabb saying was, "Where's the justice?"

LAST CALL

Someone needs to tell Chicago coach Lovie Smith that Halloween is not for a month, unless he did not INT-entionally dress up Rex Grossman in Brian Griese's jersey.

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	About Chris Cluff Chris Cluff spent 10 years as an editor and sportswriter for The Seattle Times. He was a key figure in the newspaper's coverage of the Seahawks, particularly during their Super Bowl run in 2005. He also has written two books on the Seahawks: "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Heart-Pounding,...
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	No.1 Bill West	04:40 PM 10/02/2007

	Cullpepper went 5/12 for 75 yards. The score and the TDs look real good but if you look at the numbers its not so good. If he...