New Year’s resolutions from around the NFL

By Os Davis  |   Tuesday, January 01, 2008  |  Comments( 2 )

NFL Football News
Got something to say?

Log In above and share your thoughts on this topic with other fans!

With holidays come tradition, and few traditions are more venerated (yet taken less seriously) that that of the New Year's Resolution. The NFL's players and personnel, too, take part in the ritual while striving to improve themselves over the coming year.

While readying the champagne - not that champagne, '72 Dolphins - have a look over the list of resolutions RealFootball365.com has gotten our grubby red mittens on. Please bear in mind that despite their heroic efforts on the field, these guys are only human (excepting, of course, Tom Brady and Adrian Peterson) and thus their resolutions are probably as sadly breakable as most everyone's. Which is to say that they'll be pitched aside by about 3 p.m. on Jan. 1.

Donovan McNabb: "I resolve to no longer complain about local media, national media, dissatisfied fans or racist institutions. At least until my QB rating starts falling after we play teams above .500."

William Clay Ford and the Ford Family: "Beginning with Mike Martz, we resolve to keep firing personnel until we discover who is sabotaging Matt Millen's master plan to create a winning team in Detroit."

Coach Herm Edwards: "Four words: No more reality TV."

Coach Bill Belichick: "I resolve to improve my time, to focus on next week. We've got an opponent, they're a good opponent, we've got stuff to work on and we just need to stay focused ..."

Mike Vanderjagt: "I resolve to write emails of apology to everyone I might have offended in my time with the NFL. As soon as I'm finished with those in the CFL."

Coach Brad Childress: "I resolve to create an offense."

Coach Marvin Lewis: "I resolve to create a defense."

Coach Brian Billick: "I resolve to create ... that is to say ... um ... I resolve to put a team on the field every week. What's that? Wait a minute, you're firing me? That's not fair -- Herm Edwards gets to keep his job..."

The producers of "Monday Night Football": "We resolve to ditch the second-half special-guest shtick. Nah, scratch that; everybody loves hearing Russell Crowe's insights into the game, right? Instead, we resolve to ease up on the pheromone baths we're giving Jaworski. Kornheiser is already enough in love with the man."

New Miami Dolphins executive VP Bill "The Tuna" Parcells: "I resolve to work wholeheartedly and with full devotion at improving my new team until I achieve the pinnacle result of a Super Bowl appearance. Or until I get frustrated and/or bored, whichever comes first."

Coach Andy Reid: "I resolve to spend more time at home."

Pacman Jones: "Ditto." (Giggle.)

Coach Jon "Chucky" Gruden: "I resolve to spring for those cybernetic implants for Jeff Garcia in order to preserve my career in this league for another 25 years."

Mark Cuban: "I resolve to buy an NFL franchise - any NFL franchise - just to make things more interesting. No, the Miami Dolphins don't count."

Ricky Williams: "I resolve to stop, uh ... um, oh dude, I forgot."

Super Bowl organizers: "We resolve to hire someone young enough to recognize musical artists from, say, the post-Annie Lennox era. Alternatively, we resolve to sign Prince to the 20-deal year 'Up with People' used to have."

Os Davis: "As I realize my football obsession - I mean, habit - is beginning to detract from my home life (Wait a minute, we have two children?), I hereby resolve to eliminate all viewing and most surfing time. At least between, say, February and June. Except draft weekend."

Resolving to bring insights and commentary all year-round at RealFootball365.com
Got something to say?

Log In above and share your thoughts on this topic with other fans! (2)

About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
read more
Article Tools Share!   |  RSS  |  Bleacher Report About Bleacher Report