49ers should skip Thanksgiving and find New Year’s resolutions

By Adam Sweeney  |   Thursday, November 27, 2008  |  Comments( 1 )

San Francisco 49ers
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Instead of looking to the past, it's probably best for the San Francisco 49ers to gaze toward the future. What better way to do that than with a series of New Year's resolutions?

1. Buy Mike Singletary a chastity belt to wear.

You've gotta love Singletary's old-school attitude, but he will have to do some things to shake the fact that he is currently known as the man who dropped his pants during halftime of his team's game against the Seattle Seahawks. So, maybe it'd be best to lock those briefs up for the near future. If Singletary gives us the full Monty again, then he will be forced to suit up and play special teams for a half. Come to think of it, that might be a good thing for the 49ers.

2. Find a way to put Krazy Glue on the hands of Vernon Davis.

It's the only way to ensure that Davis will catch more than 60 passes in a season. Of course, when he decides to give us the Mariah Carey diva treatment again, his hands will get stuck to his hips as he pouts on the sidelines.

3. Have the team get a little Barack Obama in its step.

One of the keys to Obama winning the election was his ability to inspire hope within those who have been beaten down by the system and struggles they currently are in. And who in the NFL has struggled more in the last six years than the 49ers? Thus, Singletary should line up all 53 players on the team in front of mirrors and make them scream, "Yes, we can," until they pass out. It will take time to turn around the 49ers, but if the players, coaches and rest of the organization have faith in each other, it will happen sooner than later.

Fan Pulse: Rumors are flying that the Seahawks' Mike Holmgren could take San Francisco's head coaching position, but there are plenty of people who think Singletary deserves a chance in 2009.

Fantasy Football Commentary: RB Frank Gore is an obvious must-start, but the 49ers' fantasy contributors are few and far between thereafter.

Injury Watch: LB Patrick Willis sat out Wednesday's practice with an ankle injury, but he's expected to play Sunday against the Buffalo Bills.
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About Adam Sweeney

Adam Sweeney spent 4 years as an opinions and arts & entertainment columnist with the Lone Star Lutheran, also working with Sports Illustrated.com. Along with his work on Realfootball 365 he currently is a contributor for Film School Rejects, SLAM Online, Talkhoops.net, and C-Heads ...
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