Transmission from Foxborough sector: Resistance is futile

By Os Davis  |   Tuesday, January 09, 2007  |  Comments( 0 )

New England Patriots
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You will be assimilated.

Any trekkie who can distinguish Trill from Tribbles can tell you without a millisecond's hesitation just who the meanest, fastest and baddest aliens ever to hit the Star Trek or any other science-fiction universe are: The Borg.

The Borg - note the use of the collective noun there for, as the great Captain Picard once said, "'a borg' is a contradiction" - were a hive-like species, with billions of humanoid beings mentally linked to one another, their weaponry and their spaceships with a lot of mostly black cybernetic technology. The individual units acted as a single being, processing information and tactics at the speed of thought. While blasting away with phasers on kill might ice one or two Borg dudes here and there, a third shot was destined to merely be absorbed by the next Borg unit. And these post-Terminator terminators kept on coming.

You see where this is going, right? The New England Patriots have advanced in the playoffs with the 37-16 destruction of the upstart New York Jets. Resistance, say The Borg, is futile.

Though football is the most stat-defying of all sports, the New England win caused the inevitable breaking out of numbers newly fattened. Such statistics might be ho-hum at this point in the Patriots Decade (hey, the Worldwide Leader in [American] Sports called it that, so there) if they weren't so truly eye-popping:

In 12 playoff games, Tom Brady has been interception-free eight times.

The Patriots are now 11-1 in post-season play in the A.B. (After Belichick/Brady) Era.

The Patriots have never lost at home in post-season play in the A.B. Era.

The Patriots are 7-2 in games against teams with the NFL MVP on the roster. (This one cribbed from the column of Michael Smith at ESPN.)

Only once have the Patriots lost to the same team twice in a single A.B. Era season: Last year, against the Denver Broncos.

Oh, and don't forget, Brady's Patriots are still undefeated in OT.

Finally, here's one more number for y'all, straight from the RealFootball365 virtual database:

The Patriots are 9-1 against first-time playoff opponents. The loss? Last year, against the Denver Broncos.

The list of opponents in that run is worth considering: Jon Gruden's Oakland Raiders, who went on to win the AFC the following year; one of the best Pittsburgh Steelers teams of the Cowher Era; the Greatest Show on Turf, the unsinkable St. Louis Rams; the upstart Air McNair-led Tennessee Titans (Are you listening, Baltimore Ravens?); the Indianapolis Colts, the team built to beat the Patriots; the Carolina Panthers and Philadelphia Eagles in two Super Bowls; the upstart Jacksonville Jaguars; and the Jets.

With the Jets win, Patriot playoff triumphs have three times come against teams the Beaneaters had lost to in the same season. The one exception? Last year, against the Denver Broncos.

What's funny about these New England teams is the wondering aloud, in print and on screen if this club is a dynasty. Were it not for a pair of bad calls from traitorous Romulan referees, we'd be talking about the 2006 Patriots in terms of their domination of the galactic quadrant.

(Seriously, without Romulan-cloaking technology, how else can you explain the "lack of visual evidence" on the Champ Bailey fumble that 70,000-plus in attendance saw go out of the end zone? Watch the tape as the referee reviews the play; listen for the sickening silence of the Denver fans who knew Bill Belichick's challenge would hold.)

Remember, this was the game against the only man who could ostensibly get into the head of Belichick, this metaphor's version of the evil Borg Queen. After the 17-14 New York win in Week 10 that had the New England looking as sloppy as the Foxborough playing surface, pundits figured acolyte Eric Mangini has the Patriots' ticket punched. No Rodney Harrison was supposed to allow Chad Pennington to throw the long ball all day. Without their former leader in tackles, the Patriots have substituted the Tully Banta-Cain (who?) unit for Junior Seau.

Unfortunately, the Jets' Commander Data forgot the way defensive coordinator Belichick had foiled the Buffalo Bills' revolutionary hurry-up offense in Super Bowl XXV. Or how he'd held the Greatest Show on Turf at bay on stardate 2002. Or, more mundanely, how they took apart the Minnesota Vikings' supposedly fearsome run defense in Week 8.

A no-huddle offense to foil those gnarly, spontaneous defensive formations? No problem. Meanwhile, Banta-Cain got the defensive team gameball for his two sacks and one slapped-down Pennington pass. Leading the team in receptions with eight was Jabar Gaffney, a guy who'd run up 11 in the season after seeing his first action in Week 7.

Captain, they have adapted.

This week, Federation propaganda has the San Diego Chargers, nearly every non-sentimentalist's prohibitive favorite to take the Lombardi Trophy in February. Even The Great Borg Leader himself admitted in a press conference that, based on performance, Really? With Marty Schottenheimer, 5-12 in the playoffs lifetime and 0-1 this decade, whose game plan depends on flashy play and little psychological trickery? (Note how no one claims Schottenheimer'll be getting in Belichick's head, a feat he'd need a Malkovich-like portal to accomplish.) Against the Chargers, a team that exposed crucial Patriot weaknesses in an embarrassing 41-17 defeat last year?

Prediction: Patriots 20, Chargers 10.

Resistance is futile.

Analyzing the New England Patriots collective at RealFootball365.com.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's ...
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