Randy Moss’ 2007 season foretold

By Os Davis  |   Monday, May 14, 2007  |  Comments( 25 )

New England Patriots
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Everyone has an opinion on Randy Moss, but few have access to the RealFootball365 crystal ball.

Even among the high-profile signings made by his own New England Patriots, Moss commands attracting the attention and imagination of football fans. Some figure he'll succeed brilliantly in the Bill Belichick/Tom Brady offense, others guess he'll act as a controversy-drawing T.O.-like distraction once he stops getting enough receptions.

Burning with curiosity myself, I decided to dust off that most excellent purveyor of prognostication. I gazed in wonder as the story in the depths of the sphere unfolded before me, and now they may revealed to the world. Or at least that segment of the world that reads this Web site.

Spoilers follow, as they say.

Week 1: Patriots at New York Jets. The Belichick-Eric Mangini rivalry, the question marks surrounding Chad Pennington, New England's new look ... the other stories in the barrage of hype all become mere subplots behind speculation on what Moss will do for the Pats. In the end, Moss never gets a ball thrown to him; Brady looks slick in tossing four TDs to "secondary targets" Donte' Stallworth and Wes Welker; and Belichick is praised for the remarkable use of Moss as decoy. Final score: Patriots 35, Jets 13.

Week 2: San Diego Chargers at Patriots. The playoff rematch, San Diego's new coach, LaDainian Tomlinson's latest remarks on certain members of the New England secondary ... all story lines take a back seat to Moss again. Laurence Maroney tromps and stomps his way to 160 yards; the only ball thrown Moss' way goes well beyond the receiver, who appears to have cut his route short. Brady refuses to comment on the misfire after a 19-for-20 performance. Final score: Patriots 20, Chargers 7.

Week 3: Buffalo Bills at Patriots. Moss is listed as "questionable" in the official injury report. "Don't you worry," Moss tells reporters before the game, "I'm still out there. [Brady] knows that." Moss makes his first reception of the year in the first quarter, snagging a short pass over the middle for 4 yards. So runs his stat line for the game. "See?" says the receiver in the postgame, "I told you I was out there." Final score: Patriots 28, Bills 3.

Week 5: Cleveland Browns at Patriots. After turning in a five-catch, 80-yard performance against the Cincinnati Bengals in Week 4, Moss finally goes off against the Browns: He hauls in three TD passes, including a leaping grab in the fourth quarter, a pass from Matt Cassel. When asked if he might celebrate after the game, Moss says, "I might. I might have fun. And, you know, hopefully ... I won't get into any trouble by the NFL by saying that, you know." Final score: Patriots 40, Browns 0.

Week 6: Patriots at Dallas Cowboys. Moss drums up controversy by being seen night-clubbing with Terrell Owens. When asked if he had, in fact, done so, Moss states, "I might. We might have had fun, but it's not like, we were overindulging or anything." Moss plays limited minutes in the subsequent game, which the Patriots go on to win. Final score: Patriots 23, Cowboys 21.

Week 7: Patriots at Miami Dolphins. When asked if he might hang out with Ricky Williams while he's in Florida, Moss says, "I might. I hope I don't get into any trouble for saying that, but, hey man, gimme some of those Doritos." Moss does not play in the squeaker that culminates in four consecutive Brady-to-Stallworth completions in the game's winning drive. Final score: Patriots 17, Dolphins 16.

Week 9: Indianapolis Colts at Patriots. After being listed as questionable in Week 8 and not playing a down, Moss tells reporters, "You know how I said, 'I play when I want to play'? Well, I want to play right now." He doesn't, as New England exacts revenge on Indianapolis. Final score: Patriots 35, Colts 30.

Week 12: Philadelphia Eagles at Patriots. With the Patriots holding a comfortable 14-point lead late in the game, Moss leaves the field, heads into the locker room and leaves before speaking to reporters. "What's so bad about leaving two seconds early when we're up by two touchdowns?" he later asks the press corps lingering over the delicious controversy and is reminded that there were two seconds remaining in the first half. Final score: Patriots 24, Eagles 10.

Week 15: Jets at Patriots. First attributed to an unknown source and subsequently revealed to be Moss, the shocking allegation is made that Tom Brady is "not exactly straight, if you know what I'm saying." Moss becomes the first player in the history of the NFL to be listed on the injury report as "questionable of sanity." Unfortunately, Brady drums up some controversy of his own after his six-TD performance in the Pats' crushing win by angrily asking reporters, "Who's gay now then, huh?" Final score: Patriots 42, Jets 3.

Week 16: Dolphins at Patriots. The quest for a 16-0 season ends in a game where nothing goes right for New England and the 5-10 Dolphins apply a 20-point shellacking. Brady throws four interceptions and appears distracted throughout the game. Boston sportswriters are hardly alone in their proclamation that "Moss is tearing this team apart" and "He's a cancer" and "Only a Randy Moss could bring down this dynasty" and ... stop me if you've heard this before... Final score: Dolphins 27, Patriots 7.

Week 17: Patriots at New York Giants. Late in the fourth quarter of the Patriots' easy win, Moss dumps a water bottle's worth of Gatorade over Belichick's head. When asked why, Moss says, "I was just celebrating our clinching home-field advantage in the playoffs. I know we did in three weeks ago, but I'm still happy about it." Patriots 21, Giants 0.

In the playoffs ... well ... everyone purports to know what the end result of the playoffs will be, right? In order to avoid killing all suspense, therefore, no details will be given here. Regarding Moss, suffice to say he is left off the Patriots' playoff roster.

Just before every trace of fascination with Moss dissipates, however, the receiver holds a press conference to announce that "I might want to look forward to moving somewhere else next year to have another start and really feel good about going out here and playing football." Green Bay Packers General Manager Ted Thompson jumps at the chance to sign Moss.

Heck, wouldn't you?

Keep tabs on tabs on Randy Moss and the rest of the New England Patriots at RealFootball365.com.

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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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