What Brady said to Smith

By Os Davis  |   Tuesday, December 11, 2007  |  Comments( 6 )

New England Patriots
Got something to say?

Log In above and share your thoughts on this topic with other fans!
Whether or not you're a New England Patriots fan, you had to love the schadenfreude sandwich served up to the Pittsburgh Steelers' Anthony Smith last Sunday. Hopefully, the beatdown administered will finally see the end of the useless, unaccounted-for, never-remembered guarantee, particularly by second-year players facing a football juggernaut the likes of which they've never seen.

(Incidentally, wasn't the guarantee concept reduced to absurdity last season in Week 2? Deconstructionist Roy Williams guaranteed a Detroit Lions victory over the Chicago Bears, if you recall, only to be handed a 34-7 drubbing; questioned after the game, Williams insisted that he was right and predicted victory for Week 3 as well. When the Kitty Cats lost that one, smilin' Roy insisted he'd go on predictin' and winnin'. Very postmodern.)

The highlight of the game? Sure, Randy Moss made Smith and his distinctly non-Polamaluesque secondary mates Tyrone Carter and Ike Taylor look bad repeatedly. Sure, Wes Welker put on a virtual clinic in the second half for those wishing to learn how to play slot receiver.

The clip of clips from the Patriots' 13th victory, though, came with about 1:08 remaining in the first quarter. After Brady-to-Moss put up New England's first points of the game and game the Pats a lead they'd never relinquish, Smith was confronted by Brady, who could be seen giving the safety a piece of his mind.

We know what Smith said in the exchange: "A whole bunch of cuss words."

As for Brady, well, what sort of Belichickian wisdom was the quarterback taught to teach others? What wit did Brady drop on the lad who was so very wrong? What trash did this Patriot talk, recalling that this team is known for not talking trash unless you count dancing on the San Diego Bolt, which most have forgotten?

Here at RealFootball365.com, we applied high-tech ingenuity and a little creativity to the task of analyzing the game clip. (In other words, a bunch of stuff got made up.) After untold hours (say one or two) of toil undertaken by our team (me), the results of RF365's research has reduced the possibilities to six. Apologies for the swearing, but Brady himself admitted that "[My mother] wouldn't be very happy with what I said."

"We're gonna come back and kick your --- on the next drive, Smith. You're gonna be ------- sorry you ever said anything."

The predictable sequence of events: Next Pats snap, Moss sprinted past Smith & Co. as though they were driftwood - or merely two-thirds of NFL secondaries this season - for another TD, and the rout was on. Folks in New England haven't seen someone so goggle-eyed and confused-looking as Smith did since Reche Caldwell was dropping passes in the clutch last season.

"You just don't get it, do you? We're the Patriots here. The ------- Patriots. We're not gonna lose at home to a rookie coach. And where's ------- Polamalu? You guys are not the Colts."

Brady had a good point here. The Patriots haven't lost to any team in a first-time meeting between coaches since 2004 and the freaky 29-28 loss to Jim Bates (!) and the Miami Dolphins. As good as Mike Tomlin has been this season - and he's been excellent, to be sure - he's hardly impervious to the shock-and-awe show typically put on by Belichick and the boys. At this point, the only teams in this run that have defeated the Patriots more than twice are the Broncos, Colts, Jets and Dolphins; the latter pair represent the next two weeks' worth of Patriot fodder, too. Uh oh.

"Hey, we may have torched you bad for that TD, but I've got some good news: Giselle and I are going to save a lot of ------- money by switching to Geico car insurance."

Just to rub in the whole lifestyle thing, you understand.

"If you think this is bad, what until you see what the ------- defense does. They heard all you ------- talking about how old they're getting. Well, Adalius Thomas and Mike Vrabel think they're playing in their -------- primes."

Sure enough, on the subsequent drive, Pittsburgh went three-and-out. There was little answer for Willie Parker and surely Patriots fans got nervous every time he sneaked into the secondary, but Ben Roethlisberger was held to under 200 yards. The Steelers rarely threatened and never seriously did in the second half.

And did someone say these linebackers are getting old? Hall of Famers or near-Hall of Famers Tedy Bruschi, Junior Seau, Adalius Thomas and Mike Vrabel are all over 30. While Seau and Vrabel may not quite be Pro Bowlers this season, both have stayed steady contributors. The loss of Rosevelt Colvin hurts and the red-zone defense has shown cracks all season long, despite the overall blowouts.

No matter; two things remain true about these Patriots. Firstly, the defense has gotten it done late in the game, shutting down the offenses of the Eagles, Ravens and Cowboys. Plus, this offense can put up some points; a nice clock-eating, bend-don't-break 'D' fits the high-flying offense just fine.

"I prefer the ----- that is your sister."

No, wait. That was Materazzi. Still, wouldn't it have been funny if Smith had subsequently headbutted Brady goat-style a la Zidane? It might have saved him some embarrassment.

"Unless Indianapolis polishes you guys off in the playoffs before we do and we don't see each other again, I just wanted to say, "have a nice season.""

Questions and speculation of 16-0 aside, is anyone else looking forward to a Colts-Pats AFC championship game?

Noting the notes and quoting the quotes all year-round at RealFootball365.com.
Got something to say?

Log In above and share your thoughts on this topic with other fans! (6)

About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
read more
Article Tools Share!   |  RSS  |  Bleacher Report About Bleacher Report