Open letter to Uncle Al re: Lane Kiffin

By Os Davis  |   Tuesday, September 16, 2008  |  Comments( 98 )

Oakland Raiders
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Dear Uncle Al,

Woke up Monday morning figuring to see the “Lane Kiffin fired” headline that every single news outlet from the San Francisco Chronicle on down plus the great majority of the Oakland Raiders’ blogosphere is getting reading to run – didn’t see it. Or maybe Kiffin has in fact already been fired (at about 1 a.m. ET reportedly). Or maybe it’s happening at a press conference at 2 p.m. PT Tuesday.

Come on, what are you doing?

Look, Al, I know what you and that schemer Rob Ryan (you may recognize him as your defensive coordinator; I know he never really speaks to you during the regular season, and only has time to call his wife while the regular season is on) did before the Kansas City game. You two got chummy and boozy together at some point, yukked it up about the poor sap’s fate and decided to play laissez-faire while Kiffin piloted the silver and black into a graveyard spiral against possibly the NFL’s worst team. I can just imagine you all like Pacino in "Any Given Sunday," slurring “Ah, let th’ kid do whad ‘e wantssss.”

The result? The game plan that Kiffin cooked up with the unimaginative bachelor’s pad’s worth of ingredients worked to near perfection. Three-RB sets: Who knew? Blitzing that actually brings pressure on the quarterback: Who knew? Well, actually, many of us did. After all, that’s pretty much what you left him with after years of this revolving door of free agents and coaches you’ve established in Oakland.

Seriously, Uncle Al, at least consider how transparent this move would be; are you ready to come out of the closet and admit that Kiffin’s main sin is that he’s not your man crush Jon Gruden, the only guy who has proven capable of bringing Oaktown near a ring since ... well, since the Los Angeles sojourn? Surely you remember heartbreaker Gruden? A guy good enough at his job that even you couldn’t justify straight-up firing him, going for a cowardly trade route that you mostly wasted anyway. (Although your friends the New England Patriots did finally end up with TE Daniel Graham as part of the deal; nice work.)

Is shifting gears like this, naming your fifth head coach since Gruden, really the way to “Just win, baby”? You could even put the argument that Kiffin isn’t doing team harmony any good into play, backing it up with the anonymous quote from “one Raiders source,” who stated that “Rob acted like a leader. He stood up for this team and these players. He took responsibility. Unlike the head coach."

Of course, the Raiders have a way of dealing with malcontents, right? I mean, just ask Randy Moss and LaMont Jordan over there on the East Coast. You sure showed them what “unquestioning loyalty” means, eh?

Then again, you may not be interested in disciplining this particular “source” if the big mouth in question is in fact one of your pet projects ... Javon Walker, perhaps, who reportedly jokes with journalists about his boss’ job security. Now, Uncle Al, it’s all well and good aspiring to emulate Jerry Jones and his bipolar millionaire buddies, but Dallas’ T.O. and Pacman types actually appear to have something Walker and, say, Tommy Kelly don’t -- gas left in the tank.

As for Ryan, it’s clear that he’s qualified to help destroy any short-term future your Raiders may have, Uncle Al. One of the few members of your coaching staff who has managed to keep his job for any length of time this decade has helped maintain a laughingstock of a defense since 2004. In the Ryan era, your Raiders have finished in the bottom quarter of the league in points allowed; despite many an addition on the ‘D’ for 2007 (presumably at Ryan’s urging), Oakland “improved” from surrendering 332 points under Art “Wake Me When It’s Over” Shell to giving up 398 (good for 31st “best” in the NFL) for Kiffin’s first season.

It’s possible that you’re ready to pull a John McCain on us, coming off as an old fuddy-duddy who may have heard of that wacky Internet thing but actually knowing something we all don’t. Maybe Ryan’s three losing seasons with Oklahoma State in the late 1990s convinced you, or perhaps you love the way he handled those Hutchinson Community College kids after getting tossed from the Arizona Cardinals organization in ’95. Certainly Ryan, Kiffin’s backstabber according to media sources, wouldn’t betray you as Kiffin ostensibly has. (Would he?)

In any case, we’ll all be watching the headlines, perhaps seeing nothing until the Buffalo Bills smoke your guys on Sunday.

But I’m telling you, Uncle Al. Don’t do it, or Kiffin may come back to haunt you like the last young guy you took under your wing. I beseech you for a little sanity: Let Kiffin be. Or, as you yourself might put it, “Just sit, baby.”

Yours,

Os.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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