Tommy Kelly: Drunken driver, Raider poster boy

By Os Davis  |   Thursday, September 18, 2008  |  Comments( 42 )

Oakland Raiders
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The autumn wind has become the winter of the Raider Nation’s discontent. Already coming apart at the seams on and off the field while waiting for Al Davis’ ax to decapitate head coach Lane Kiffin, the Oakland Raiders now find themselves having to deal with legal problems and a possible suspension because of Tommy Kelly’s DUI arrest.

In fact, the DUI bust makes a nice (using that particular descriptor loosely here) metaphor for the 2008 Raiders themselves, ‘cause whoever is driving this bus – and we all know who that is – has clearly had a few too many.

Kelly is symbolic of the woes Oakland cannot turn its eyes away from this season, a poster boy for Uncle Al’s Isaiah Thomas-like offseason moves and machinations, another of Warren Sapp’s high-priced reasons why the Raiders “are going to suck” this year.

Surely there are few left in Raider Nation willing to back the team’s steadfast owner at this point, and while tasteless jokes about senility have been flying in mainstream media for a few years now, Oakland backers are not so slowly morphing into a pitchfork-wielding mob ready to storm Davis’ office. Or nursing home. Or Montgomery Burns-like life-support machine. Or whatever.

The mess Davis has made was well-encapsulated by RealFootball365.com reader Raider Sensation in response to our own Anthony Carroll’s proclamation that he’d joined the lynch-Davis mob. On DeAngelo “The Most Overrated Defensive Player in the League” Hall this year: “13 tackles and getting his ass picked on every week. Not to mention very, very easy to distract.” On Javon Walker: “0 receptions and as far as I’m concerned doesn’t even want to play football.” And, of course, there’s poster-boy Kelly: “4 tackles and a DUI in week 2.”

The above-listed “bums” took home around $15 million in salary and bonuses for 2008 – past tense employed here because this season may already be over for the Raiders in all practical terms – and all could be salary-cap “sacrifices” by 2010.

Kelly probably won’t see the business end of an NFL suspension for some time; the commissioner’s policy these days seems to be to first wait for the legal call before giving out a one-game suspension for first offenses. Figure if a Kevin Faulk is handed a one-game suspension for possession of marijuana even after taking a drug test that showed him clean, Kelly’ll be sitting one out at some point.

In a way, it’s almost unfortunate that Kelly will remain a starter at defensive tackle this week, because of the more fascinating aspects of watching the Raiders this past couple of seasons has been observing the way a hogtied Kiffin has managed to assemble a few wins and a few close games out of the current mishmash of bad boys, untested rookies, headcases and generally overpaid slacker types.

On the other hand, maybe Kelly’s arrest was a blessing in disguise. After all, the only stories coming out on the silver and black for the past five days or so all begin with a lead akin to “The clock is ticking on Lane Kiffin ...” A different media distraction may give young Lane a little clarity of purpose as he seeks to take on one mean Buffalo Bills team as nine-point underdogs with his pack of beatdogs.

In fact, the DUI may turn out just great for the doomed Kiffin, one more admirable overcoming of adversity to put on the resume. (Flash-forward to about 10 minutes after the final gun sounds on Week 17. Kiffin’s agent calls Michigan: “Hello, Detroit Lions ...?”) Bad for the Raiders and bad for society in general, this drunken driving arrest could be a boon for a former college offensive coordinator with untold potential.

Echoing the sentiment booming loud and clear throughout Raider Nation, Kiffin’s departure will change nothing in Oakland. The 2009 Raiders will still be bogged down with guys capable of the most irresponsible, stupidest crime of which the average citizen can commit.

At least there’s this: TMZ.com, among many others, noted that “The arrest came after the Raiders beat the Chiefs in Kansas City earlier in the day.” (Emphasis TMZ's.) As long as Raider players only tip the bottle after a win, these guys should be clean and sober for most of 2008.

Meanwhile, could you light this torch for me? There’s an effigy-burning going on over there that looks like fun ...
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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CommentsComments: 42  |  Sign Up  View all comments
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No.1
02:58 AM
09/18/2008
Another day, another garbage article from the os-hole. cmon can't you find something more productive to right about like i don't...
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No.2
03:00 AM
09/18/2008
oh yea, i almost forgot. 1st and 2nd! it beats seeing raidehz or sect 116 as the 1st post of the day....countdown is on, 3 days...
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No.3
03:42 AM
09/18/2008
Franchise, when blasting Os, was that a Freudian slip when your wrote: "Right About." I think you meant write about:-) Tell me...
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