Invasion of the Raider snatchers foiled

By Os Davis  |   Monday, November 10, 2008  |  Comments( 94 )

Oakland Raiders
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For a while on Sunday, it looked as though the Oakland Raiders blessedly, magically, had been transformed by benevolent aliens, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"-style. Well, OK, except the benevolent part. You remember that one: Ordinary human being falls asleep, bizarre extra-terrestrial flower creature produces exact duplicate of human being, kills human being and takes his/her place.

Sure, it’s a little drastic in terms of improving an NFL team, but some serious measures are needed in Oakland.

For the first quarter, most of the first half, a reasonable amount of the game, the Raiders just weren’t themselves. In a good way. Sure, Johnnie Lee Higgins looked as bad as he has all season within the first five seconds of play in fumbling away the opening kickoff. Sure, Javon Walker still can’t catch and Kwame Harris and Jake Grove look as ill as they consistently have in 2008. Sure, much of the coaching staff’s heads are up their ... that is to say, are somewhere else.

But how about Justin Fargas, a guy whose sole appearance on any highlight clip was that too-much-mustard-on-the-hot-dog off-handed flip on the reverse to Darren McFadden early in the season, showing some signs of life with 89 yards on 22 carries?

How about that secondary, sans DeAngelo Hall, making Carolina's Jake Delhomme resemble, well, Marques Tuiasosopo out there? With Hall beamed out to Washington, Nnamdi Asomugha actually got some out there statistically while making Delhomme’s Sunday hellish.

How about the way the silver and black shut down the run? OK, mostly. Giving up a pair of key runs to DeAngelo Williams – the 20-yard dash to rescue the Panthers from out of their own end zone and the 69-yard breakaway for a TD – aside, these did not appear to be the Raiders who entered the game 30th in the NFL in rushing yardage allowed.

On special teams, no evidence of pod-person in dependable Shane Lechler, unless you count the otherworldly request to punt the damn thing just 11 times during the course of the game. And who’s that seemingly in on every Carolina return? Hiram Eugene? Obviously an alien agent.

And which team was it that couldn’t get it going on offense? The Panthers? Which side seemed more in tune, with more energy in the fourth quarter? The Raiders? What gives, or gave?

As in nearly every invasion-of-earth flick (SPOILER alert: Except, ironically, the 1978 version of "Body Snatchers"), the threat from outside was repulsed. Those temporarily taking over some key Raider bodies were driven out by some hometown bacteria – this must be what the purported cognoscenti mean by “culture of losing” – and Oakland again found a way to lose.

To be fair, it would be difficult for any force in the galaxy this side of the Borg to beat any NFL team with no offense, which is approximately how much the Raiders have. Already depending on a lot of raw talent (JaMarcus Russell, McFadden, Zach Miller) to make this ‘O’ work, the recent spate of injuries again exposed the thinness of Oakland’s roster in the 17-6 loss to Carolina. How do you win with essentially no fullback and no wide receivers? You don’t.

Unless you get help from the pods, maybe.

Hmmm, how long will it take to get a message to Alpha Centauri?
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's ...
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