Common symptoms of Oakland Raiders Fever

By Os Davis  |   Thursday, January 15, 2009  |  Comments( 9 )

Oakland Raiders
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Do you have Oakland Raiders Fever? This common, lifetime affliction has gripped tens of millions worldwide for decades and shows no signs of letting up. Indeed, the spread continues, despite six years of expert efforts and useless free-agent spending to eradicate the very source of the pyrexia.

Below are listed 15 commonly diagnosed symptoms of the ailment.

An informal diagnosis follows.

Incidentally, if you have recognized symptoms of Oakland Raiders Fever not appearing on this list, please inform RealFootball365.com, as in the public interest we maintain a database for these sufferers.

• Do you have JaMarcus Russell on your “Top Five Future Franchise Quarterbacks” list and not Jay Cutler?

• Do you remember Mike Shanahan as a loser?

• Have you won a Super Bowl in Madden with the Raiders at any point in the last five years, even if you had to suspiciously trade Randy Moss and Warren Sapp for Jeff Saturday and Bob Sanders to the computer Colts that one time?

• Have you recently come around to agree with the notion that Al Davis is out of touch and should no longer have such overwhelming say in day-to-day Raiders operations? (I said “recently.”)

• Do you consider the years after which your team left town thanks to a snit by the franchise owner “the gold old days”?

• Does your game-day gear consist of some combination of leather, chains, helmet, and/or spikes, but nothing with a player name or number?

• Do you dress like that even if you’re not a professional dominatrix? (At least not on Sundays, that is.)

• Does your team’s owner think an overhead projector is high-tech?

• Do six straight losing seasons plus another offseason restructuring of the coaching staff legitimately add up to a Super Bowl contender in 2009 to you?

• Can you easily think of five (OK, two or three) reasons why Art Shell should be given another shot at head coaching?

• Have you been secretly kicking yourself for the wedding day compromise you made and allowing your wife to wear a silver dress? (You can’t understand why she was so vehement about a little black trim and a jersey number 12.)

• Have you attempted on more than one occasion to argue Ray Guy over Shannon Sharpe for Hall of Fame entry in 2009?

• Are you brimming in anticipation for a reunion of those 2002-2003 Oakland Raiders teams in Canton when Rod Woodson and Bill Romanowski are both inducted into the Hall this year?

• Do you have more than one silver-colored item in your closet?

• Do you have at least two guys with the surname “Davis” on your personal s*** list?

If you found yourself identifying with 14 of the above (removing from consideration the “wedding dress” item; heck, not everyone’s married to a woman) sentiments, congratulations! You are suffering from a healthy dose of the mania, and it will surely be with you for life.

Scored fewer than 14? Seek professional help immediately, as those devotional muscles become seriously flaccid when left untreated.

* RealFootball365.com disclaimer: Os Davis is not a real doctor.
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About Os Davis

Os Davis has taken a twisted route to get to RealFootball365.com in his nearly 17 years in professional writing, working in any number of capacities in the sportswriting, news reporting and film criticism worlds. In print media, Os has served as editor at a few publications, including Albuquerque's...
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CommentsComments: 9  |  Sign Up  View all comments
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No.1
Paul		02:59 AM
01/15/2009
17 years of writing on bathroom walls would have served you better Os Hole, what did you edit Dick & Jane?? I was a bit bummed...
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No.2
The Franchise		09:40 AM
01/15/2009
maybe that crap you're writing was funny in budapest but here it suck os-hole!,,alright so we got a wr coach that nobody has ever...
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No.3
neil b		10:31 AM
01/15/2009
LMN........Agger to AC Milan for 7.5m ? What did you think of Rafa's rant ? Understood what he was trying to do but,I think it's...
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