Part II: Will the Rams make the playoffs?

By Steve Reynolds  |   Tuesday, June 19, 2007  |  Comments( 6 )

St. Louis Rams
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When we last left the St. Louis Rams, they were riding a 6-2 record into the second half of the 2007 season. Can they make the playoffs? Read on and find out!

At New Orleans: St. Louis simply has no answer for the powerful hype of Reggie Bush and the Rams set a record for most penalties incurred, including the newly adopted "tackling the Reggie Bush" foul. The Rams have their first truly poor outing of the season while Drew Brees and Deuce McAllister are in rare form. Saints win 28-13.

At San Francisco: With Tye Hill and Fakhir Brown sidelined with injuries, the Rams are forced to play CB Mike Rumph against his former squad. Alex Smith calls six consecutive "Stop and Go" plays, the last three being called at the line, in plain English, while looking directly at Rumph. The newly acquired CB falls down each time during the "and Go" part of the play and the 49ers enter the half ahead 21-7.

The Niners are able to contain Steven Jackson with the speed of their linebackers but still have no answer for the Rams' receivers. Nate Clements is burned late in the fourth quarter by Torry Holt for a touchdown, tying the score at 31. The fans at Monster Park are on the edges of their seats as the 49ers take over with seven seconds left on the clock on their own 28-yard line. Smith stands over center, points at Rumph, then at the man Rumph is covering, Darrell Jackson and yells, "You go long." 49ers win 38-31.

Seattle: After dropping the previous two games, the Rams face a must win against the resurgent, division-leading Seahawks. The Seahawks, who have gone undefeated since their previous victory over St. Louis, come to town boasting a 7-3 record. Rather than presenting the battle for the NFC West lead as their national telecast, the Fox Network opts instead to show the 4-6 Vikings at the 3-7 Giants because the nation can't get enough coverage of New York or players named Manning, even if it is the terrible one.

The game proves to not be much of a contest, as the Rams' defense focuses on stopping Shaun Alexander (now running on a permanently broken foot) and double covering WR Deion Branch. The St. Louis fans nearly riot in celebration as their yearning for revenge is finally realized. Rams win 27-10.

Atlanta: Rather than being greeted by the requisite boos that most visiting teams endure, Michael Vick and the Falcons are welcomed by a chorus of Arsenio Hall-type "woofs" from the St. Louis crowd. Vick, having a lousy season, goes 0 for 13 on passing attempts in the first half, but announcers insist it's because every receiver the Falcons have ever had drop all of Vick's throws.

Down 14-0 at the half, Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino makes an impassioned speech to his players in the locker-room about how -- although they still need to do more to help Vick -- they will be switching to the wishbone offense in the second half. Petrino believes this new scheme will better protect his quarterback, but the new strategy proves to be unnecessary as Vick is hauled away screaming by the FBI at halftime.

When asked his thoughts about the incident when coming out of the tunnel for the second half, Petrino tells the sideline reporter, "We will rally around Joey Harrington, and we will play good football." Rams win 44-3.

At Cincinnati: After public fear the Bengals would forfeit because the Cincinnati work-release program doesn't begin until the following Monday subsides, the Rams storm the field and jump out to a 17-3 lead over the shorthanded Bengals. However, many Cincinnati players are able to post bond by halftime and the Bengals make a miraculous comeback, sending the game into overtime tied at 27.

Carson Palmer hits Chad Johnson over the middle, who makes the mismatched Brandon Chillar miss, and then races down the sideline. Johnson sprints in for the winning score, but he is subsequently murdered by Richie Incognito, who leaps off the Rams' bench and piledrives Johnson as he tries to unveil his latest endzone celebration where he lies on his back with his legs open and appears to give birth to the football. Bengals win 33-27 and Incognito is suspended one game for leaving the bench during an altercation.

Green Bay: Brett Favre, now a shell of his former self, throws four INTs, but is nonetheless praised by the announcers because he can still "rocket the ball in there." The Rams take advantage with interception returns for touchdowns by Hill and O.J. Atogwe. The St. Louis defense holds the spotlight for a change and the Rams win 20-6. The headline in the Green Bay Press Gazette the next morning reads: "Favre hints at retirement, nobody cares."

Pittsburgh: Concerns over Ben Roethlisberger having post-concussion syndrome from last year's preseason accident begin to mount after the quarterback lines up under center on the opening possession wearing a motorcycle helmet. Before halftime, Roethlisberger insists to a sideline reporter that he is no worse for wear and that his play hasn't tailed off at all, but no one notices as he is the same ineffective QB he was last year.

The NFL Network, desperately hoping the Steelers will be good enough to hype Big Ben as Comeback Player of the Year, now realize that their time is much better spent on 24-hour-a-day coverage of Reggie Bush. The Rams eat up the once-proud Pittsburgh defense and the Steelers come to the realization that they are not the same team they were when perpetually showered by Bill Cowher's motivational spittle each day. Rams win 24-10.

At Arizona: Unable to win the tiebreaker with the 11-5 division-leading Seahawks and assured of a wild-card berth, the Rams rest their starters after halftime for the final contest of the season. With Kurt Warner replacing the injured Matt Leinart, Arizona has become a mirror image of what the Rams used to be: great offense, zero defense. Warner has an impressive outing, throwing for over 400 yards against the disinterested Rams.

Brenda Warner announces her decision to allow Kurt to un-re-retire and Warner ends the season setting an NFL record as the first QB in history to lead the league in completion percentage with unopposable thumbs. Cardinals win 30-17.

Wild Card, at Chicago: The Bears, who are the first team in league history to win their division with a 7-9 record, play host to the 10-6 Rams. The game becomes a defensive struggle as the Ram offense is rendered ineffective by Chicago's defense, and the Bears' offense is rendered ineffective by Rex Grossman.

Reminiscent of the classic struggle with the Buccaneers in the 1999 NFC Championship game, the Rams pull out a tremendous victory with an acrobatic touchdown grab from Drew Bennett in the fourth quarter. Rams win 13-6.

Divisional Playoff, Rams at Reggie Bush: Fueled by tremendous heart as well as hype, the New Orleans Saints host the Rams in a much-anticipated rematch. Bush is named league MVP despite not being a starter and having half the statistical numbers of Deuce McAllister. The two teams are evenly matched and exchange scores well into the final quarter.

With the score tied 34-34 halfway through the fourth quarter, it is evident that either team could pull out the victory. At this point, referee Ed Hochuli receives a phone call from commissioner Roger Goodell and afterward the Rams' fortunes begin to change.

St. Louis is flagged on four successive plays for, in order: holding, false start, illegal motion and traveling. The Rams are forced to punt the ball to Reggie Bush, who jukes his way toward the sideline where it appears Todd Johnson has just the right angle to level him. However, Hochuli "trips" right in front of the defender, throwing a wicked cut block on Johnson; Bush then runs unmolested to the endzone, for what proves to be the winning score. The Saints win, 41-34, leaving St. Louis victimized by the greatest instance of highway robbery by the zebras since Super Bowl XXXVI. The Rams end their year disappointed, but they take heart in their successful season and the promise of future success.

In case you were wondering, the Saints win the NFC and move on to play in their first Super Bowl ever, where they eventually lose to, let's say, the Texans.

**You can e-mail Steve Reynolds at steve_rf365@yahoo.com

Weekly St. Louis Rams insight, courtesy of RealFootball365.com
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