I made my original fortune owning and operating a chain of upscale botanicas on the upper east side of Manhattan, mostly in the Sutton Place neighborhood. If you have any “Majestic Mojo” products in your home, you are one of my many clients. I spend about half the year consulting with the leading Voodooists in Haiti and Brooklyn, and collecting substances not normally allowed into the United States during peacetime. I spend the remainder of the year consulting for the major Las Vegas gambling enterprises, mostly casting spells and predicting the turn of future events.

Some of my most notable triumphs are: 1. Correctly predicting that Evil Knievel would fail in his attempt to jump across Idaho Canyon on a rocket-powered motorcycle in 1974. 2. Correctly predicting that Katherine Harris and the Supreme Court of the Republican Party of the United Red States of America would rule against the Albert Gore campaign during the 2000 election. 3. Correctly predicting that the precise moment of the onset of The Darkest Age would be 2:19:43 AM (EST), on the 14th day of August in the year 2008 (of the Common Era). 4. Willing Bernard Pollard to injure Tom Brady’s knee on 9/7/2008.

contact information: none (I will contact you)